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Click above to listen to a clip from Lisa Vallejos during her talk on “The Road Map to Finding Your Soul, mate” during the Be Whole, Be Free Virtual Summit. Get your FREE Ticket HERE.

Please forgive all errors in the transcript.

Oh, wow, that’s why I’m feeling like this. That’s why I’m going through these cycles. That’s why you know, I’m having trouble sleeping. I’m stressed out because this is a low-energy base relationship. What does that look like and then what is a high level of the relationship?

Well, most of what we see in our movies like the romcoms is what I consider low-energy level relationships.

Noooooooo, but those are the relationships we love and over this person and wanting them to be with us and doing whatever it takes to get their attention exactly.

That’s exactly and so we’re primed to that way really our minds are primed that way because… I’ll give it a little quick like a neuropsych lesson here for the audience. The more that we watch something or absorb something or read something. We get what’s called, we create in our brains recalled Neuro Pathways. So it’s like, you know, like a river running down a mountain. If it goes in the same way it kind of carves in there and it becomes the just goes the way that the water continues to flow the only way to interrupt it to shift if you drop the boulder in the middle, right then the water would redirect.

So our brains get wired in certain ways. So every time you watch those rom-coms every time you watch a Disney movie. That’s it. They’re getting better. The Disney movies are better now than they were when we were kids. But when you look at some of the dynamics that are played out, In the movies in the stories that we watch they are very dysfunctional.

For example one movie that people love and I absolutely loathe the eyes and that’s me and my Grinch voice there and lothe. Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man because every single person in that movie is playing games and manipulating the other person.

You’re not being authentic they’re playing and they’re manipulating and of course at the end of the film spoiler alert. It’s like things work out the way they’re meant to work out but I’m like, oh my gosh, that’s so dysfunctional.

Like you literally just built the whole relationship on the facade and lie. This person is like six months in and I like I don’t even know who I’m dating. Like what the hell just happened here and that is a low-level relationship.

The Jerry Maguire…

You know, one of my favorite movies I loved that. I understand that at is a purely dysfunctional you like everything like Jerry ain’t shitt the worse but I love it.

It’s one of my favorite. I actually quoted that movie in a blog I did for Elephant Journal a few years back about how to date a child of mindfully date a single mom. I quoted that line about shoplifting the Pootie. Don’t shoplift the pootie if you’re dating a single mom. But that whole scene right like everyone in that watch that movie was like when he comes in here you complete me and she’s like, right.

And I want the first time I watched it had the same thing and then I was like matured and I was like, wow that’s really toxic like a really bad dynamic they have. So that’s really low level what level is when there’s dishonesty or a lack of transparency cuz he don’t have to necessarily lie to someone to not be Authentic.

It’s okay. It’s the only telling the nice part about yourself. It’s the sending your representative out when you go out on dates. You know, you put your best foot forward and while I understand all of that to me. I feel like that’s just an authentic and fake. I’m like, I want you to know exactly who I am from the job.

So I’m not going to do anything. Significantly different to go out on a date with you and I would do in any other situation because if you don’t like me as me. Then we don’t even have anywhere to go in six months. You’re going to decide you don’t like me and I’ve just wasted like my valuable time.

And so that is a low level. not being an entire like. Being a being inauthentic is another way and of course we have like the really toxic dynamics, which is co-dependence that you complete me. I can’t live with that. IfI I can’t live without you. You’re the source of my happiness. You’re my everything.

Then we have the extremes of course. It’s like cheating and lying and all of that kind of stuff and if you look around honestly at most relations probably 90% of the relationships around us have some level of dysfunction. For more than that and so they’re having a higher level. Conscious connection takes work, which is why People don’t get there or I don’t necessarily always get there.

So what does that look like? What does a higher level conscious relationship look like because most of us don’t know we don’t have any examples. Our parents, our grandparents or best friend doesn’t have it. You know, we probably don’t even have it in our marriage right now or relationships right now. What would that look like if we started our relationship like that?

So my favorite couple right now that I know that I think manifest. And in and shows it to the world is I’m Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet. I think that they have one of the most sacred beautiful love connections I’ve ever seen which is interesting because I feel like probably like most women. I’m like, oh, he’s very hot like you super attractive. Because it’s such a sacred connection. Like I can’t even look at him in that way.

If that makes sense. I feel like there’s this kind of like barrier and something probably that I created for myself because I’m like that’s such a sacred connection that I am not even going to like, I don’t even want to touch it in any way shape or form.

That’s not like you know, if you went into a church how you behave differently, even if you’re not religious. I’m not religious, but I can go into a church. I know how to act right.

The office I respect. I was like, I got some home training.

Healthy, Sacred Love looks like that for me as I approached even like seeing photos of them as a couple from a very sacred reverential perspective because it is I really do feel like that is a great living example.

Will and Jada are another example.

About them. Do you see them as having that connection? Is this something that they grew into or do you think there’s something that they always had?

I think that there are a couple of different types of Soul connections. I think that like Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet, they’re one of like what I would consider like the highest form.


Dr. Lisa Vallejos has a Ph.D. in psychology with an emphasis on Existential, Humanistic and Transpersonal psychology. She is a former therapist and professor and is well-regarded by her peers. She is dedicated to love and liberation, and is a psychospiritual coach to those seeking a healthy & thriving love|life. She’s a published artist, poet and author. Dr. V has written for Elephant Journal, CNN, GoodTherapy.org, Latina Magazine, and has been seen on Good Morning Arizona, The Denver Post, The San Francisco Gate, Think Catalog and many more.